LANA’S ABORTION TESTIMONY

Beauty for Ashes Ministry International
A Post Abortion Recovery and Teaching Outreach

Lana’s journey from grief to grace

My eyes filled with warm tears as the room began to fill. Each woman comes through the door to BFA with such shame and apprehension. I remember that feeling so well, so come with me to a time in my life that may be a lot like yours ~

My daddy was drunk again but at least he was home for a few days. I loved him so much; but when he is gone the men in my family sexually abused me. I was young, too young to marry. I wanted away from home so much that I found a way to leave at thirteen and married at sixteen. My husband was an only child, my prince, and his family treated me like a princess. They adored me as they adored him. I finally had the family I had wanted all my life. One thing seemed to be missing, but it didn’t matter, they were good people, but they didn’t know Jesus. I had accepted Jesus as my Savior at age six, but if they didn’t need Him I thought I didn’t need Him either.

I went to my husband’s West Texas hometown and we married in his mother’s beautiful home. I began a fairy tale life. We had a miscarriage the first year and then I gave birth to a baby boy a year later at age 18. There was another prince for the family. The marriage began to unravel after seven years without Christ. I left to return to my hometown of Houston, bringing our son with me. Within a few months his father took him in the dark of night and my life slipped into a pit from which I was unable to escape for years. A bitter divorce followed and what I feared most, happened ~ I lost custody of my precious son.

During the years of fighting for my 5-year old son, I became pregnant by a man that was helping me fight the custody battle for my son. I chose to abort this baby because I would have been 7 months pregnant in court. It almost cost me my life. The abortionist punctured my womb and I came home bleeding. At the last possible moment I was rushed to a hospital where I lay unconscious for twenty-three days. I survived and then the real pain began. The trial began in that West Texas town and I lost custody of my son. I was so emotionally wounded that I did not want to live!

I tried to drown the pain with alcohol, drugs, sex and materialism. Nothing worked so I tried to end my life. Many attempts at suicide were unsuccessful and the pain intensified as I went for another abortion three years later. The father could have been one of many men.

This time I was in a hospital for the abortion and felt safe. I didn’t really care if this abortion killed me. I had requested that the doctor tie my tubes so I would never go through this again. I awoke in my room to feel the doctor’s lips on mine, thinking “is this a dream?” No, the doctor sat on the edge of my bed in the hospital room, leaned over me, kissed and molested me. It was surreal. Why would he do this?

I had lost one child in miscarriage, my son in court, two babies by abortion and now I could never have another child. My heart was broken, yet hardening by the day!

The pit of my life became darker now and there seemed to be no escape. I entered the nightlife of the big city and rarely saw the light of day. This continued for years. I married a non-Christian again and it lasted seven months. I was running as fast as I could from myself and from God.

I met Ray Sanders one night and it was love at first sight. We married within a few months. I had another prince and he was the best thing that had ever happened to me. He was such a good and kind man that it didn’t matter that he didn’t know Christ, our love would be enough. We married and were speeding for a head on collision with divorce within three years from our wedding day. The anger and bitterness in my heart was destroying us. One day, three years after we married, on a Texas highway, Ray gave his heart to Jesus. I returned to Jesus so fast that Ray thought I accepted Christ when he did. We fell madly in love with the Lord and each other.

Thirty-one years later we are growing closer to Jesus and each other every day. So much pain, sin, and darkness was behind me and God began to clean up the house of my heart. I gave Him the cleanest rooms first. As time went on, I was washed in the cleansing of God’s word, and I began to open other dark and dirty rooms; furnished with ~ rejection, incest, abuse, hatred, regret and shame for the sinful life I had led. The light of God’s love began to shine in my heart, however, there was one room ~ beneath the basement ~ dark and cold; the dungeon of my heart. It was locked and there was so much in front of the door that I was sure it would stay secluded, even from God. By then my husband and I are were admired leaders in our home church, we were Christian leaders in the community, and no one need ever know about my abortions.

What fools we were to think we could hide anything from God! He loves me so much that He set me up. I decided to volunteer at a Crisis Pregnancy Center where I was offered post-abortion healing. I politely declined because, Glory to God, I’m OK, and a leader in my church!

The Holy Spirit would not leave me alone and I reluctantly submitted to the Bible Study they offered, thinking I will just learn how to help other women, because ~ after all, I am OK! Jesus met me in the dungeon of my heart and healed me totally. He flooded the deepest, darkest place in my heart with His love. Now, it is my favorite room to invite you into. I call it the Son Room.

At the time of my healing Ray revealed to me that He had aborted a child before he met me. He went through healing and now leads the men’s ministry of Beauty for Ashes. From our healing God has birthed a lot of ministry. Ray and I founded a Crisis Pregnancy Center in the heart of Houston next to a Planned Parenthood, which is the largest provider of abortion in the state of Texas. We directed the center for seven years before leaving to establish and direct Beauty for Ashes Ministries International. We have been involved in post-abortion healing since our post-abortion restoration in 1991.

The new vision for BFAMI is to take this gift of healing to our city, state, nation and the world. Ray and I do not minister to abortion-wounded people to pay for our children that we aborted. There is nothing we can add to the finished work of the cross of Jesus Christ. We minister out of the healing and beauty God gave us for the ashes of our lives.

We have three sons on earth, ten grandchildren. We have four children in heaven. Now Jesus has given us another family, by spiritual adoption you might say, giving us another son, a daughter, and three more grandchildren. Our children are in the arms of Jesus. Jason, Hope, Faith, and Charity must rejoice, as they run on streets of gold, and know that their story has touched your heart.

At the end of this journey we will take together, I will dry my tears as my heart fills with joy when I behold your shining faces that first came to BFA bowed low with shame. You will be rejoicing and will not even look like the same woman! Thank You Lord for giving us beauty for ashes, joys for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. Surely, You will be glorified!

Lana Sanders

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, because He has anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.

Isaiah 61:1-3 NKJV